


You're the Reason (the only reason)

by Stylnfuck



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5 Seconds of Summer - Freeform, 5SOS - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Michael Clifford - Freeform, Sad, Seizures, brain aneurysm, i cried so hard while writing this, im sorry but thats how i made it sad, mentions of depression, ok i think im good, v sad, what else can i tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-06
Updated: 2014-05-06
Packaged: 2018-01-23 18:13:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1574882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stylnfuck/pseuds/Stylnfuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"How dare he leave you, by yourself, without him. It’s not really him you’re mad at, no. Its the rest of the fucking world and it’s cruelty. It took you michael away from you, leaving you to fend by yourself. You will never love anyone the way you love michael. Well, loved."</p>
<p>or where the only reason michael is alive is because of you but he's taken away from you regardless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're the Reason (the only reason)

Its been one year exactly since Michael left. The ache in your chest and the lack of air in your lungs is still present and consumes you everyday. You still think about the way his lips felt molded to yours, the way his fingers traced your sides and caressed your cheeks when it was just you and him in your bed. You had always known that he suffered from depression and he never fully recovered from it. He always said how you were he only one keeping him here, made him want to be a better person and get his shit together. And he did, He really did. It took a long time but he finally started to see that light at the end of the tunnel and that light was you.

***

"I wouldn’t be here without you Y/N" he said, his voice barely a whisper as you two were laying in bed, having a lazy sunday in your underwear. That was the first time he told you.  
You looked at him, confusion and awe swirling around in your head when it all clicked. You knew of his suicidal past yes, but this is news to you.

"Michael I, I don't know what to say. I’m so glad you’re here, with me. I don’t know who i would be without you i love you so much." You press a gentle kiss to his full pink lips and taste salty tears and realize he’s crying.

"I love you too, thank you so fucking much or everything that you have done for me. I don’t think i tell you that enough or that i ever could. I can’t lose you or else i might lose myself."

"You’ll never have to live without me baby, I promise."

***

You also knew that he had a weak artery in his brain that could cause an aneurysm at any given point in time and that scared you more than anything else. To know that he could one minute be watching tv with you and the next moment having a stroke, killing him. You never knew just how much time you had with him and that filled you with anxiety, not knowing. The doctor said that although it was serious, there was still enough tissue in that artery that he had about a 90% chance of not having an aneurysm.

Which is why it caught you so off guard when it actually happened.

You remember that day with such vivid detail that it’s almost as if it happened yesterday.  
The two of you were making pancakes at one in the morning because he just had to have some right at that moment. You were stirring the batter, well, trying to when Michael wasn’t flicking it at you and trying to tickle you like the little shit he was, when you asked him, “do you want chocolate chips or blueberries babe?”

"Chocolate chips with a little bit of frogs on the side while they play in the park."  
Turning around with the spatula in hand, ready to say some snarky comment and expecting a goody grin on your boy’s face but instead you see that that he was completely serious.

"You want what? what did you just say?"

"chocolate chips and a side of-" his words stopped mid sentence and his whole body goes rigid, as if he has been electrified or shot with a tase gun.

"Michael?!"

He’s making weird choking sounds and starts collapsing in on himself, hitting his head hard on the floor. When he hits the ground, that’s when it starts getting worse. His whole body shakes violently and uncontrollably, foaming at the mouth and his face is a shade of red that definitely should not be there. Running over to him, you turn him on his side so that he doesn't choke on his own tongue and get your phone that was conveniently on the table above you. You dial 911 and tell the receptionist your info in a frantic, panicky voice.

Its happening. Its happening and i’m not ready i haven’t said goodbye and i haven’t kissed him oh my god it’s happening.  
Salty trails are raining down your cheeks as you sit there unable to help in any way until the ambulance come. Michael has stopped seizing by the time they arrive but he is unconscious and barely breathing, his heart rate slowed beyond normal.

"I have to go with him please let me with him i can’t leave him," you plead, tears streaming down your face and pain stabbing your heart. The paramedic nods his head and lets you step into the ambulance, immediately going to his side and wiping the hair out of his face gently.

"Don’t you dare leave me Michael Clifford, Don’t you dare. I can’t survive without you, don’t you _fucking dare leave me here alone_."  
you sit at the hospital and it is the longest four hours in your entire life. The doctors took him into surgery immediately to try an stop the hemorrhaging and repair the damage and stop an aneurysm from happening. All life is drained from your body and you feel heavy, sick with anxiety. Finally the doctor comes out into the waiting room, a solemn and grief stricken look onto his face.

_No._

"Y/N, i am so, so sorry. We did everything we could, but his brain had already had the aneurysm before we could stop it. We lost Michael."

_No._

Everything muted and your body went numb. Michael is gone. Dead. No longer able to hold in your arms, or nuzzle your neck into. He’s gone and your world shattered like a fine crystal wine glass, into thousands of shards and impossible to pick back up. You stare blankly ahead of you, at nothing particular. The doctor is still trying to talk to you but you long tuned him out. You never thought this day would actually happen. It couldn’t. He had a 90% chance of living and he fell into the unlucky side of that number. How dare he. How dare he leave you, by yourself, without him. It’s not really him you’re mad at, no. Its the rest of the fucking world and it’s cruelty. It took you Michael away from you, leaving you to fend by yourself. You will never love anyone the way you love Michael. Well, loved. fuck. You cant do this, no. You can’t be here without Michael. He was so suddenly taken away from you ,no goodbye, no last kisses, no gentle strokes of his soft hands against your face, telling you how much he loved you. He’s gone.

***

You set his picture down on your nightstand, reliving that day over and over in your head. It still hurts, it will always hurt. He was your light and you were his. No matter how much you tried, you can’t look at anyone the same way you did Michael. You visit his grave almost everyday, telling him how much you missed him and how much you wish he could be there with you. Tell him how much you miss his laugh, his, kiss, the way he always smelled of hair dye for a week after he made his hair a new color. Hell, you even missed his snarky jokes and the sarcastic tone he had with every word he said. But, most of all, you miss the way he told you,

"You are my light Y/N, my light at the end of the tunnel."


End file.
